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Monday, November
22 – Here I was at one of the departure
gates at Schiphol International Airport near Amsterdam,
thinking about how I got into this trip and recalling
memories of my past USA journeys while waiting to
board the Boeing 747 that would transport me to the
sunny state. The airport is about an hour’s
drive from my place. This distance is probably a
standard drive to work for any typical American but
for the Dutch it’s almost halfway to the borders
of the neighbouring countries of Germany or Belgium.
Yeah...the huge sizes and distances...that’s
something that struck me from a very early age when
I went to visit the USA for the first time together
with my family. My brother and I were nine back in ’93
and we made a trip to the state of Florida to go
and visit Disney World. Both of us, probably like
any other kids that age, were just in awe of it all.
That Euro Disney thing they have in France is ‘Disney
Town’ compared to that place. The attractions
were greater in number, the hotdogs they sold were
longer, heck...even Mickey’s ears seemed bigger.
In fact, we found it to be so immense that we decided
to return a second time for our eleventh birthday.
This time we also got to see the futuristic vistas
of Epcot Center and the movie themed MGM studios
but we did not venture further south down the state
to see the gators nor establish ourselves in the
city of Miami like Mr. Montana did. ”This
town is one great chicken just waiting to get plucked.” -
sigh...1 point to Tony for taking the initiative
on ravishing the big clucking avian.
Apparently Disney had not brainwashed
us entirely because we did not return to their happy
magical fairy kingdom for a third time. Instead, we
agreed that it was time for a change of plan so we
decided to go to the West Coast...to the state of Washington.
From early on my brother and I were always fascinated
by mythology but now, at age fifteen and driven by
an insatiable hunger for the mysteries of the cryptozoological,
we set out to find the legendary Bigfoot in a forested
area near the Canadian border. We used our well refined
GoonieGooGoo lures and crafty snapshot technology but
it was hard to track the creature and after a grand
pursuit we gave up the expedition. It seemed all was
not good in the wood. We crossed the state and did
some necessary last minute shopping in the tax-free
land of Oregon to dull our disappointment. It has been
almost five years since those memorable days in the
northwestern states and almost eight months since my
brother Michel left us all too soon.
Back at the gate, the flight crew was
just arriving. One of them addressed me with a swift
salutation…that was Eddy, full-blood Argentinian
living in the Netherlands, good friend of my family
and co-pilot on this flight. On Saturday the 14th of
November I received a surprisingly unexpected phone
call from him. He told me that he was scheduled to
depart to LA in a week and he asked if I wanted to
come along for the ride. Immediately I accepted his
offer and I explained there were some friends of mine
across the Atlantic that we could meet as well. Personally
I finished some exams for a few courses at my university
the week before and my schedule was pretty much empty
for the coming two weeks. It was a done deal and that’s
how I embarked on this new exhilarating adventure.
After a quick chat with Eddy at the gate they gave
the passengers a green light to board the jumbo jet.
As I carried my luggage through the boarding
tube toward the inner sections of the aircraft, I was
greeted by one of the attendants, who said I had to
follow her to a seat with more leg space. Quite odd
because I did not recall ever asking for a better seat.
She guided me toward the aisle on the upper deck of
the 747 and slowly I realized that I was assigned a
position in business class. Awesome!!! I had never
flown business class before - that must have been Eddy’s
doing. I was given a seat about twenty feet away from
the entrance to the cockpit. As soon as I put my luggage
in one of the compartments and comfortably installed
myself, another attendant walked by, offered me some
reading material from a varied assortment of magazines
and newspapers and asked if I was thirsty or interested
in the menu displaying today’s fine selected
foods for the in-flight meals. “Now this is quality
service!” I thought to myself while happily ordering
some jus d’orange (that’s French
for orange juice). Screw reading! I wanted to see movies!
Now, for all you economy peasants out there ;) - business
class has these little LCD monitors that can be taken
out by opening one of the arm rests of the seat. They
allow you to choose from a selection of movies or music
whenever you feel like. I did not get a chance to check
out what movies they showed because the attendant came
to bring me my beverage and told me that Eddy wanted
to catch up with me in the cockpit. With one gulp my
pulpy drink disappeared into the depths of my stomach.
As I rose from my spacious sky throne, yet another
attendant was talking to a big Afro-American lady near
me. “I am a huge fan of yours...I love your music!” she
complimented joyfully. The lady replied with a soft
siren-like voice, “Thank you so much...God bless
you!” Thoughtfully my mind made connections, “Hmmm...this
IS the business class in a flight to Los Angeles...she
must be famous but she does not seem familiar...a perfect
time to take advantage of my position and get inside
information.” As take-off was imminent, my escort
and I rushed toward the portal of the cockpit.
Once the attendant showed me in she quickly
left to attend to the rest of the passengers and demonstrate
the in-case-of-emergency-routines. There was Eddy,
sitting on the upper right seat next to the captain
and going through the standard pre-take-off procedures.
Right behind Eddy were two other seats. The one behind
Eddy was taken by a third man, the co-co-pilot...identifiable
by the two stripes on his shoulders. The co-co-pilot
saluted me and advised me to quickly buckle up. To
tell you the truth, the tight cage-like cockpit was
not as fancy as business class but it would definitely
not get more front-row than this. With all the systems
checked, the aircraft left the gate, proceeded to one
of the bigger runways and took-off toward the planned
destination. Finally in the air, the automatic pilot
was switched on and Eddy introduced me to the rest
of the crew. After some chitchats and talks I popped
the big question, “Do you guys have a popular
singer on board?” As I expected, they were more
than glad to share that knowledge with me. It was none
other than Soul icon Chaka Khan - known for her 70’s
and 80’s hits like I’m Every Woman, Ain’t
Nobody and the cover of Prince’s I Feel
For You. Awesome!!! I had not even set foot on
LA soil yet and already I was bumping into an international
celebrity...how crazy is that!? Not hungry for information
anymore, I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach.
It was well past lunchtime and the pilots knew it too...food
break! We ordered our meals through the intercom and
soon we were munching away. The dishes consisted of
a well-done steak, a colorful vegetable mix, a fish
filet covered with some creamy sauce and, as a dessert,
a mousse au chocolat (that’s French
for chocolate mousse) - “oh yes, my cacao-filled
treat, you will soon meet your fluidly Vitamin C-rich
friend in my digestive system…after I allow the
meat and veggies of course.” Somehow I always
seem to avoid seafood though (especially with unknown
white dressings on top). “Joo know I eat
octopus three times a day. I got friggin octopus coming
out of my friggin ears, mang!” – sigh...another
point to the scarfaced one for being able to withstand
a high concentration of oceanic chow in the form of
squishy cephalopoda.
After my meal I left the cockpit to return
to my royal stool and I thought it would be pretty
cool to ask the voluptuous VIP to take a picture with
me. But as quickly as the idea popped up in my head
it was crushingly devastated when I directed my gaze
toward her area. Seated next to her was this large
broad man clothed in black with matching dark shades...I
mean, this dude was Yeti-size! It was as though Chaka
had gone out to the wilderness to hunt down Bigfoot
herself and train it to be her bodyguard. I wondered
if that’s why my brother and I never found the
beast in Washington. It made sense and my mind cried
out with inner rage, “CURSE YOU KAHN!!! YOU STOLE
OUR SASQUATCH!!!” I was truly in a bind. I could
not get a picture with Chaka and ‘Harry’ together
as proof of my encounter with these two famed figures
without upsetting the brute, which would no doubt have
meant my demise. Once again considering the circumstances,
just like those days back in the northwestern states,
I accepted defeat and lulled my letdown by watching
a few flicks this time.
Still in a grudge, I went through the
various selection screens on my monitor...it offered
only three movies, “Only three!?!? It appears
business class is not as classy as I previously expected.
Let’s see...Spiderman 2...seen it already...A
Cinderella Story...no way, no Lizzie Maguire-esque
t(w)een queen chick flick for me...hmmm...White
Chicks...haven’t seen it...have to retract
my position on chick flicks though...let’s keep
our fingers crossed.” My review after ninety
minutes: “Senselessly stupid yet absurdly hilarious”.
Looking at the flight information on my monitor I noted
that the flight was going to take five more hours.
Time to watch Spiderman 2 again, I guess...anything
but that crappy Duff stuff. Personally, I am not a
big Marvel comic fan but I really think they succeeded
admirably on the re-design department for some of their
movies, especially X-men. In Spidey 2,
Doc Ock (unlike the Green Goblin in the first one)
brought a fresh and frightening vibe as opposed to
the original creation with his goofy green suit and
metallic spaghetti sticking out of his sides. Seeing
the movie a second time was entertaining. A good show
and a good sequel...I give it 4 out of 5 axes.
That definitely killed some time...the
aircraft was only three hours from its destination.
Speaking of time, for all you geography nuts out
there, the difference between ‘Cali state’ and ‘Dutchie
nation’ is nine hours. That’s almost
half a day so I thought I’d better have some
sleep or else Los Angeles would really become ‘LalaLand’.
Not being able to sit through my siesta because
of Bigfoot’s loud snoring, I decided to spend
the remaining flight time with Eddy and his fellow
aviators. The final hours flew by, so to speak, and
before long they alerted the cabin crew and passengers
to prepare for landing. With the close-to-shore LAX
runway steadily coming closer, I let go of my bitterness
concerning Chaka and Bigfoot and took pride in knowing
that I had been on the same flight with these legends.
And, as the iconic Hollywood mountain horizontally
slid away to the right, I remembered the making-of
bonus on the Scarface DVD. I was nearing
the town where the movie had been shot…Los
Angeles and not Miami as most people would think.
Wait a sec…I think these three occurences entitle
me to three points, resulting in a one point lead
for me…HECK YEAH!!! Stick that up your c*lo,
Tony!!! Truly, this was going to be a trip to remember…
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